Reflections on Attachment, Christmas 2025

Dear Friends,

In the midst of this holiday season, we are reminded that attachment—how we bond, seek closeness, and cope with distance—shapes much of what we feel this time of year. This season highlights our longings for connection, the comfort we hope for, and the wounds that sometimes feel sharper in the darker days of winter.

Below, SRP therapists share reflections on attachment and the emotional experience of the holidays.

Emotional Experience During the Holidays

The holidays often intensify our internal world—our joys, losses, needs, and old hurts. Andy Park, LMFT, reminds us how early attachment patterns influence this season:

“Early attachment experiences shape our relationship with emotions and how we seek comfort during this season. Christmas often brings stronger feelings about family, closeness, or old hurts, which can make cravings or addictive behaviors flare up. Perhaps this season can open the door to gently exploring those deeper attachment wounds and building healthier ways to feel connected.”

Andy also shares a personal practice for navigating the season with intention, “Personally, I’m choosing to focus on my immediate family and a few close friends. I’m investing my time and energy in the relationships that help me feel grounded, connected, and fulfilled.”

Justin McArdle, LMFT, expands on our deep need to be known, “There’s an innate desire to be experienced by another—to be known and understood. Yet it can be challenging when our loved ones aren’t able to meet us where we’re at. Growing in awareness of how we’re doing in the moment can help us navigate our response and find ways to care for ourselves when we feel missed.”

These reflections invite us to approach our inner experience with compassion and discernment.

Friendships and Community

Friendship is a sacred form of attachment—especially meaningful during the holidays. As Marcia Pecora, LMFT, expresses it, “Attachment in friendships matters because feeling anchored to someone who is consistent, caring, and attuned gives us a sense of belonging—especially during the holiday season, when connection and support feel essential.”

This season may be strengthened not by many relationships, but by a few steady ones.

Identifying the Avoidant Pain

Aubrey Clark, LMFT, reflects on the invisible ache of what was missing in avoidant attachment: “Healing from avoidant attachment isn’t about what was there, but what wasn’t. You may minimize pain: ‘I have a roof over my head, food on the table, a job—nothing to complain about.’ But what was missed was connection, emotional attunement, and ‘feeling felt.’ These injuries often hide behind self-sufficiency, perpetuating loneliness. Your feelings and needs matter—they deserve attention and healing.”

She offers this blessing, “May you find safe others who you can connect with fully this holiday season.”

Betrayal Trauma

For those whose holidays are colored by betrayal, Christine Downing, LMFT, names the painful disorientation it can bring. “Betrayal trauma can leave us feeling unsteady, especially when messages of joy and connection surround us. This season may look different for you. Allow yourself space to rest, feel what you feel, and offer yourself the kindness and care you need.”

For those entering the season wounded or weary, receive her words of permission, compassion, and rest.

Healing Through Therapy

Attachment can be repaired. Christie Farley, LMFT, reflects on how therapy can become a space for new, healing experiences. “In the therapeutic relationship, a secure attachment experience is offered. No matter the client’s attachment style or injury, a shared secure attachment in therapy can support lasting change.”

Her words remind us that healing often happens slowly, relationally, and with support.

Becoming More Secure

I (Catherine Morrill, MDiv, LMFT) want to encourage your vision of feeling more grounded and relationally satisfied. What would it feel like if you could be more emotionally regulated and curious in this season? If you responded with patience, rather than anger or fear? Because our brains develop new patterns throughout our life, this kind of transformation is possible.

Unfortunately, trauma makes movement toward more secure attachments difficult. So, be gentle with yourself and others. Create space for relationships that feel nourishing—whether with a partner or friend, in solitude, or with God. These steady, supportive spaces can help your nervous system settle and make new ways of relating possible. Know that even small moments of grounded love can help you feel more secure within yourself and with others.

The Christmas Story

At the heart of Christmas is God’s choice to draw near—to attach Himself to us in love. Vanessa Longnecker, LMFT, reflects on this, “One of my favorite songs this time of year is ‘O Come, O Come Emmanuel’ because it articulates the very human longing for relationship. The promise of ‘God with us’ is such good news.”

The Christmas story is, in many ways, a story of divine attachment: a God who comes close, invites us into relationship, and offers the hope of His continuing presence with us.

May the promise of God with us meet you tenderly this season—
in the relationships that steady you,
in the quiet moments that restore you,
and in the places where you long for healing or deeper connection.

As you move through these days, may Christ’s presence be the grounding you return to, the love that steadies your heart, and the gentle light that guides you toward peace.

We are honored to walk with you and hold hope with you.

Warm Christmas wishes,
Catherine, with the SRP staff:

Vanessa Longnecker, Andy Park, Marcia Pecora, Vickie Wagner, Christine Downing, Eugene Lee, Christie Farley, Aubrey Clark, Justin McArdle, Ivano Franceschini, Susan Park, Kristen Ginn, Dez Emeahara, Jenna Milazzo, Elysse Rocha, Jamie Nelson, Christina Elmajian, and Daniel Long