Tending to Your Relationships
Valentine's Day. Are you looking forward to it? Do you need a reminder that it’s this Friday? Do you tolerate, ignore or dread the day? Does it tap into longings and grief?
Whatever the case, we’d like to take this opportunity to remind you that your relationships need your care and attention. Whether you’re in a romantic partnership, or you’re nurturing friendships, or you’re deepening connections with family members, intentionally caring for these relationships will lead to greater joy and resilience.
Here are four important relationship skills our clients at SRP develop in their individual or couples therapy that help them nurture and strengthen their relationships.
1. Express Yourself, with Kindness
A common frustration in relationships arises when you assume the other should "just know" what you’re thinking or feeling. This expectation sets both parties up for misunderstanding and disappointment. While it may seem obvious that “someone can’t read your mind,” it’s surprising how often we expect others to intuit our feelings, needs, or concerns.
Instead, you need to find the words and share your thoughts and emotions, even if it feels vulnerable or uncomfortable. For instance, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, instead of expecting another person to notice and adjust, you might say, “I’m really stressed about this situation and could use some extra support today. Do you have a few minutes to talk?” Clear, direct and kind communication builds trust and intimacy.
2. Accept that #1 will Sometimes be Awkward
Emotions and thoughts are complicated, and you may not know exactly what you’re feeling at a given moment. That’s normal! It’s okay to pause and take time to process before continuing a conversation.
If you’re unsure how to respond in a conversation, try saying something like, “I’m not sure how I feel about this yet, but I’d like to think it through and circle back later.” Giving yourself permission to step back not only helps you avoid saying something you don’t mean, but also shows the other person that you’re committed to thoughtful communication. When you circle back, your response is likely to be more intentional and constructive.
3. Repair Conflicts
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, and how you handle it can make all the difference. One of the most important skills to develop is the capacity to repair after a disagreement. This means acknowledging your part in the conflict and extending an apology when necessary.
Saying, “I’m sorry,” might seem small, but it can have a profound impact. For instance, if you’ve said something hurtful in the heat of an argument, apologizing promptly shows that you value the relationship more than your pride. A sincere apology might sound like, “I’m sorry for raising my voice earlier. I was feeling frustrated, but I didn’t mean to take it out on you.” Taking responsibility for your actions fosters mutual respect and makes it easier to move forward together.
Quick repairs also include small gestures of kindness, like a reassuring touch, a thoughtful note, or even a moment of shared laughter to defuse tension. These actions signal that you’re invested in the relationship and committed to its well-being.
Research shows that couples who regularly repair conflicts have higher relationship satisfaction. In fact, a 2022 study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that couples who resolved arguments effectively were 75% more likely to describe their relationship as "very happy."
4. Express Gratitude
In the hustle of daily life, it’s easy to take your relationships for granted. However, expressing gratitude is one of the simplest yet most powerful ways to strengthen your connections. When you take the time to acknowledge the positive qualities and efforts of the people in your life, you create a culture of appreciation and warmth.
It can be as simple as, “I appreciate you,” or “Thank you for being there for me.” These small expressions can have a big impact, reminding your partner or friend that they are valued and loved. You might even start a tradition of sharing one thing you’re grateful for each day or week to cultivate a focus on the good in your relationship.
So, this Valentine’s Day…
Tending to your relationships takes intention and effort, but the rewards are well worth it. By sharing your thoughts and feelings, giving yourself space to process, repairing conflicts, and expressing gratitude, you can create deeper, more meaningful connections with the people who matter most to you.
This Valentine’s Day, let the reminders to celebrate love inspire you to take an intentional, small step toward nurturing a relationship. After all, a well-tended relationship is one that will continue to bloom, not just on special occasions, but every day of the year.
We know that the above suggestions are simple but not easy and sometimes not possible in a given relationship. A partner, friend or family member may not be emotionally available or safe enough to mutually nurture the relationship in vulnerability. Past patterns, hurt and trauma can also make it difficult to develop current relationships. If you find yourself in a stuck or difficult relationship, and want support, individual therapy or couples counseling can help. Feel free to reach out for us for help.
